It Be Braw

A robbed a bank the day, An a didnae even ken, love the rumours train, Even when am babysittin a wain. Aye I wis watchin ma nephew, A tyke aged of two, But I had time to rob the bank. Obviously this rumour aint true. But the girl a used ta hae crush on, Since… Continue reading It Be Braw

How Dare She

How dare she take an angina attack, Doesn’t she know, Did she not realize, That last night I was going to tell you, I love you I had been preparing my cheek for the slap, Looking at cups, To protect my balls, Its you after all, Any pain is possible, From you. But I do… Continue reading How Dare She

Gies a Pint

Gies yin mair pint likes, There is blood in me alcohol stream If you have nae mare beer A cider will dae, keep them commin, and ill be happy. Whit you mean it closin time, ya wank, Its only yin oclock Dinnae bother callin the Polis The fuzz will nae help ya. Ah fucket am… Continue reading Gies a Pint

Europa Café

Sitting in Europa Café Some bar in Tampere Playing Yatzy Drinking cider We have a winner Eyes meet, Obvious both want more Eyes meet Nothing further A smile We have a winner Time for them to leave, They hug, Hold hands a moment And part. Thanks for coming We have a winner. Or do we?… Continue reading Europa Café

The Elevator

The elevator is small, Ten people fit inside, Eight males, Two Females. Business men and woman, A small cough, The noise of someone shuffling about, Peaceful. The elevator beeps, At a floor, Female gets off, One down, Nine to go. We look at each other, I smile and shout, THAT WAS THE BEST FART IN… Continue reading The Elevator


It was raining outside, I took a walk, The rain pelting, The ground flooded. I walked further along the dismal street, Further I am getting wet, No umbrella, No hood, I go under a bridge, Funny feeling, Hand on my head. Bird Shit © 2009-2016


I’ve sat here many times before Somehow today feels strange, I can hear the birds tweet, Sirens screech, The energy of nature. I can see the hills in the distance, Fading in and out of the fog, I can smell the dampness from the wooden seat. I look around and smile, And I finally realize,… Continue reading Oops


Go fuck yourself, You motherfucking cow, You fucktard Fuck you fuck you, FUCK YOU Your a slut, A whore, A motherfucking bitch FUCK YOU This will teach ya, Fucking fat cow, FUCK YOU!! © 2009 – 2016