Why Am I

Black sleeve rolled up to elbow,
Marks are visible from previous,
The time when she broke my heart,
I took it bad and tried to kill myself,
People say im looking for sympathy,
Why should I, im looking for away
A way to release all this anger, this hatred
This hurt, this emotion I don’t want.

I love her still, but I don’t want to,
I want to move on, move on,
Find someone new,
And be happy,
Find someone who wont treat me like shit,
Someone who will treat me like a human,
No-one cares, Brother in law almost breaks my finger
Yet I am the one who gets in trouble,
I am the one who gets the verbal abuse,
I am the one who get the guilt of parent arguing
And crying as they don’t make me feel wanted,
If I venture downstairs,

I sit in my room,
Darkness, silver object about my skin,
Pressed hard, slowly slice into my skin,
Wait, patiently,
Watching to see if it bleeds,
It doesn’t, funny, it should, its deep enough,
Maybe that’s cause I have cut so many times,
Lack of blood, no blood,

Why am I still Alive?

© 2006-2016

Published
Categorised as life, Poems

By Bryan Deakin

Hello and welcome to my site, my name is Bryan Deakin, 35yr old from Scotland. A Dyspraxic, Poet, Blogger and Community Activist, I studieda BSc(Hons) Sustainable Development, at the University of Highlands and Islands. Lover of all things Greek and Finnish, and a keen and active member of Falkirk SNP. Prior I was Vice President of Simple Machines, and Project Manager at Simple Machines Forum (SMF).

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