Wishing

Sitting Silently, wishing it would change.
Taking the pain and anger, inside
Hating being alive, But being alive.
For those you hold dear, those you love,
Those that would do unbearable things,
To themselves and to others,
If you did die.

Wishing you were better, seeming intelligent,
Yet spending a year of your life learning things you know,
But not being able to transmit the information,
From the brain to the hands,
To write or type the answer,
Finally when you get the answer, written down,
Not being able to contemplate, if the answer is right or wrong.

Finding it hard to do menial tasks,
Tying a show lace, riding a bike,
Throwing or kicking a ball,
Keeping yourself groomed,
Getting touched in places your not used to being touched.

People laughing, bullying, tormenting me
As I don’t fit into the “norm”
So scared to try something new,
Fear of self, fear of light,
Due to rarely being out during light,
Thanks to fear of being chased.
From, the tormentors.

Had a job, was scared, got bullied at work,
Went to college got bullied at college,
Hating your past,
Wishing memories weren’t real,
Doing things you now regret,
Saying things that have changed you for the “better”
Or so they say.

Meet someone similar to you,
The complete opposites in a sense,
Yet you love them so much,
It hurts when your alone,
Rips you inside when your not with them.

People laugh,
People moan,
People Bully,
People torment,
People are different
People get hurt
People cry when bullied.

You just wish you could die.

Sitting Silently, wishing it would change.
Taking the pain and anger, inside
Hating being alive, But being alive.
For those you hold dear, those you love,
Those that would do unbearable things,
To themselves and to others,
If you did die.

© 2006 – 2016

Published
Categorised as life, Poems

By Bryan Deakin

Hello and welcome to my site, my name is Bryan Deakin, 35yr old from Scotland. A Dyspraxic, Poet, Blogger and Community Activist, I studieda BSc(Hons) Sustainable Development, at the University of Highlands and Islands. Lover of all things Greek and Finnish, and a keen and active member of Falkirk SNP. Prior I was Vice President of Simple Machines, and Project Manager at Simple Machines Forum (SMF).

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